blogging. & horses (:

It cures boredom. And makes you feel better. I think that is why i like it so much. (just a random little fact for you today.)

And i havnt got to tell you all about my horses, so i am going to do that right now!

Meet Roxy (:

Roxy is my paint, and my baby! She has alot of arabian (we say its all in her hind in, she walks everywhere w/ her tail up, and she doesnt like to keep those back legs on the ground) and mustang in her. So i'm sure you can only imagine that little attitude she walks around with. Shes's spunky...and likes to have everything her way. EVERYTIME we get on her, we have to remind her that she's not boss, then she shows us her attitude for a few minutes, then shes fine. Shes such a sweet horse, i just love her to death. And shes gorgeous. She will also be my barrel racing horse (: !! yay! She has won many ribbons in the past and hopefully there will be some in her future! I will keep ya'll updated on all that in the near future (:

Now meet CC (her registered name is Celine's Cowgirl)

She is a registered quarter horse. She is also a very sweet girl, but she just needs alot of work compared to Roxy. She hasnt been riden in over a year and a half, and she hates men (: haa. I've saddled her and groomed her and she does fine, slowly working my way up on her. She threw the last guy that got on her, so we are taking it slow w/ her. Its all about gentleness and patience with this one. But i think once she gets used to us, and getting used to being ridden agains he is going to be a great horse. She is a lot bigger than Roxy, but i think she could turn out to be alot more dependable (less high spirited i guess you could say) than Roxy.

Both of my babies are great (: I cant wait to have them where they are both rideable and people can come out and enjoy them w/ me! We've come a long way with both of them, but they both still have quite a ways to go before i would let just anyone jump on them. They are such sweet girls, they come meet me at the fence as soon as i get out there to them. They are awesome (:

Merry Early Christmas to me!! haaa.

this feeling.

I cannot to begin to explain to you this feeling that i have. I figured that with time, it would go away. But it hasn't, and i'm not quite sure what to do about it. I know how to fix the problem, but i can't fix the problem while i am still living in my house. So do i hope it goes away, or just deal with it forever till i move out? Neither of which i really want to do...

I need to talk about all this. But once agian...i can't. I need a clear answer of what to do...and i pray...and nothing. Its beginning to get very frustrating to me.

And it doesnt help the fact that while i have all this going on...i have good things and bad things happening as well. And it makes it difficult to complain about the bad things when i know about the good things. if that makes any sense? And dont get me wrong, i am very grateful for the good things (aka my new babiessss) but it makes it hard to enjoy when i have so much other stuff on my mind.

Once agian...this all comes down to the fact that i dont like to be told what to do and how to do it. I'm stubborn, and i like to figure things out on my own. I can't do that with this situation...and i am really really wishing i could. For as many reasons that i have to be happy, im not happy. For anything you have to think or say about that last statement...please keep it to yourself. That is the way i am feeling at the moment...and no one else probably understands it.

It's been a while.

Well, havnt been on here in a while. Guess i had to much to blog about, but couldnt really blog about it...if that makes sense. It never ceases to amaze me, we think we learn so much...but there is still so much more to learn.

I figured out there there are two kinds of people. Those who want to take responsibility for the choices they have made, and those who don't. They do have one thing in common tho...someone else is alwasy getting blamed it seems like. Those who dont want to take responsibility blame everyone around them, and in my case i take responsibility but it seems like the blame is still being thrown on everyone else.

So, i screwed up...i'm human, i'm 19 and i will probably screw up agian in my future. I went against something that i stood for for so many years. And i knew it was wrong because i felt guilty right off the bat. I did this, because at the time it was what i wanted to do, i didnt think about the later consequences. This is where the blame game comes in...personally, i do not think that any one in particular influenced me...therefore no one is at fault but myself. I have no problem admiting this at all. Should i have been where i was that night? I dont know, never will, i had been there before and didnt have a problem with saying no, and didnt have a problem saying no that night, and i dont have a problem saying no now. No one asked me to do it, i just did it. Am i sorry i did it, yes.

I just really wish everyone would let ME take responsibility for what I did. Its no one else's fault...

However i do not see this happening anytime soon, which kinda stinks...big time. I'm supposed to be "cutting my ties" with certain people...and i dont think its fair. It hurts. I normally do a good job at figuring things out on my own...thats the way i prefer to learn my lessons. However the way that this is being handled, i'm being forced to do something i dont want to do...which im scared is only making the entire situation worse. You can't force someone to feel a certain way...and as long as its being tried to be done...i dont think the problem will ever go away. I may have made a stupid choice...but im smart. Im not dumb. I just dont see how all this is going to end...