It's been a while.

Well, havnt been on here in a while. Guess i had to much to blog about, but couldnt really blog about it...if that makes sense. It never ceases to amaze me, we think we learn so much...but there is still so much more to learn.

I figured out there there are two kinds of people. Those who want to take responsibility for the choices they have made, and those who don't. They do have one thing in common tho...someone else is alwasy getting blamed it seems like. Those who dont want to take responsibility blame everyone around them, and in my case i take responsibility but it seems like the blame is still being thrown on everyone else.

So, i screwed up...i'm human, i'm 19 and i will probably screw up agian in my future. I went against something that i stood for for so many years. And i knew it was wrong because i felt guilty right off the bat. I did this, because at the time it was what i wanted to do, i didnt think about the later consequences. This is where the blame game comes in...personally, i do not think that any one in particular influenced me...therefore no one is at fault but myself. I have no problem admiting this at all. Should i have been where i was that night? I dont know, never will, i had been there before and didnt have a problem with saying no, and didnt have a problem saying no that night, and i dont have a problem saying no now. No one asked me to do it, i just did it. Am i sorry i did it, yes.

I just really wish everyone would let ME take responsibility for what I did. Its no one else's fault...

However i do not see this happening anytime soon, which kinda stinks...big time. I'm supposed to be "cutting my ties" with certain people...and i dont think its fair. It hurts. I normally do a good job at figuring things out on my own...thats the way i prefer to learn my lessons. However the way that this is being handled, i'm being forced to do something i dont want to do...which im scared is only making the entire situation worse. You can't force someone to feel a certain way...and as long as its being tried to be done...i dont think the problem will ever go away. I may have made a stupid choice...but im smart. Im not dumb. I just dont see how all this is going to end...