So today, i have come to a decision.
I am saying bye-bye to negative people in my life.
People who pull me down, instead of lift me up.
People who could care less about what is going on in my life.
People who doubt me and my decision making.
People who dont care to call.
People who dont care to speak.
I am tired of worrying about it, and wondering why.
I just can't let these people get to me anymore.
I am happy, and thats all that should matter.
All of their negative-ness will come back and bite them in the butt one day.
but i CAN do what i set my mind to..and i am super glad to prove you wrong everyday when i do something you always said that i couldnt do.
So i am going to surround myself w/ my real friends (:
The ones who are there for me whenever i need them, when some people said they wouldnt be.
I've come to the conclusion that people do change, and sometimes not for the better.
But TRUE friends will be by your side no matter what.
And i am HAPPY happy HAPPY that i have finally come to this conclusion.
and i am absolutely amazed at how relieved i feel.
So if you would like to cut out the negative people in your life and want to stop w/ their drama and games, you have to seperate yourself from them.
Someone can't play games with you if you dont play them back. Its like when I was a kid, I would always complain to my mom about some kid chasing me on the playground...and she would say they cant chase you if you dont run. Same general idea...If you continue to LOOK for drama in your life, you will find it. Instead, turn your back to it. It can't chase you, if you arent running.
(:
15.12.09
11.12.09
Friends I cant' wait to meet (:
I was sitting at work thinking this morning, of the future people who will enter into my life that I don't know yet. And i have to admit, its kind of crazy to think about. In everyones life, it seems as though there are friends who come and go, friends who are there all the time, and the ones who you dont see that much but they are still right there if you need anything. Alot of things can define a friend, and no one friend is ever the same. You have good friends, and even probably a few bad friends. But going off of what you have learned so far from the friends you have right now and the friends that you have had in the past...do you have any friends that you can't wait to meet? So that is my thought for the day. I have friends that I cant wait to meet (:
10.12.09
its almost 2010!
So its almost 2010! I just got to thinking about that. SO MUCH has happened in my life this year. And i feel the need to recap the past 12 months...I have learned so much looking back.
So lets start w/ January of 2009:
I rung in the new year at Travis' house (ironic huh?). Around this time i was over there alot, at fires and such, however i completely blew him off everytime he tried to get me to let him take me out...I was to hung up on things that had been long over that i didnt want to let go of. However it is all about timing right? So lesson learned looking back: Sometimes there are really good things right in front of your face but you'll miss whats standing in front of you if you are to busy looking back.
February 2009:
I turned 19! woo hooo (: haa.
March 2009:
Still caught up on things that i shouldnt have been...
April 2009:
STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been...
May 2009:
and STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been. Except this month was a little different, i was given reason to hold on a little longer. Lesson learned from the past three months: guys will be guys. you cant 'guess' what they are thinking, dont assume. I think i finally woke up this time which i am very happy about (:
June 2009:
Oh geez, what a month June was! I was babysitting a 19 month old everyday from 7-6. Lesson Learned: I dont want kids for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME!
July 2009:
There was a boy. Who lied to me. I learned that if i dont stand my ground, people will try to take advantage of me. I stood my ground, he thought i wouldnt, when i realized i was, he left. bye-bye (: I look back on that know and wonder what the heck i was doing dating someone like that. However i'm pretty sure i was warned...but you know me, i dont listen to anyone ever. haa.
August 2009:
August was a happy month. I finally woke up and realized what was right in front of my face (go back to january) and i got over myself and went for it. And i'm glad i did, i'm know exactly where i was when it hit me, and i thought it was to late. But it wasnt (: Lesson learned: go after what you want.
September 2009: this month was okay...i guess you could say over this month and the next few i learned alot about who my true friends are. Who will be there for me no matter what and who kinda shuts ya out when things get tough.
October 2009: October was good, until the last day that is. Halloween...oh how halloween got me in trouble. I learned my lesson and am still paying the consequences of that one. Hurt alot of relationships it seems like. I learned that one decision that you think isnt that big of a deal (not that it wasnt a big deal...but like I didnt think the result would be what it was) can turn into something really big and can hurt alot of people. So this month i learned that i can't just think about what i want and what i want to do. I also learned that alot of the time other people know whats best, because they see things differently than what you do. I learned this, now applying it im still working on. Because anyone who knows me knows that i am about as hard headed as they come and i have to learn EVERYTHING the hard way.
November 2009: Tough month. Dealing w/ the previous month...i was pretty much miserable. I learned that people do come around...kinda. That i need to make my own decisions and make them wisely, so that my decision making isnt doubted in the future. If that makes sense.
Decemeber: Well I'm still in this month. And now im just thinking about where i was sitting this time last year. After reading this, you might think it sounds like a typical year, but its def been a whirlwind. EVERYTHING is different. If you would tell me I would be where I am now, I would prob laugh at you. Makes me wonder where i will be this time next year...i have some ideas. But I have learned from this year that things never go the way you think they will. I would never say that i wasted time this year....because i truly believe we dont waste time, because at the time that is something that we really wanted. I have learned SO MUCH this year....its crazy. Its crazy how timing works out perfectly...just blows my mind completely.
So lets start w/ January of 2009:
I rung in the new year at Travis' house (ironic huh?). Around this time i was over there alot, at fires and such, however i completely blew him off everytime he tried to get me to let him take me out...I was to hung up on things that had been long over that i didnt want to let go of. However it is all about timing right? So lesson learned looking back: Sometimes there are really good things right in front of your face but you'll miss whats standing in front of you if you are to busy looking back.
February 2009:
I turned 19! woo hooo (: haa.
March 2009:
Still caught up on things that i shouldnt have been...
April 2009:
STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been...
May 2009:
and STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been. Except this month was a little different, i was given reason to hold on a little longer. Lesson learned from the past three months: guys will be guys. you cant 'guess' what they are thinking, dont assume. I think i finally woke up this time which i am very happy about (:
June 2009:
Oh geez, what a month June was! I was babysitting a 19 month old everyday from 7-6. Lesson Learned: I dont want kids for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME!
July 2009:
There was a boy. Who lied to me. I learned that if i dont stand my ground, people will try to take advantage of me. I stood my ground, he thought i wouldnt, when i realized i was, he left. bye-bye (: I look back on that know and wonder what the heck i was doing dating someone like that. However i'm pretty sure i was warned...but you know me, i dont listen to anyone ever. haa.
August 2009:
August was a happy month. I finally woke up and realized what was right in front of my face (go back to january) and i got over myself and went for it. And i'm glad i did, i'm know exactly where i was when it hit me, and i thought it was to late. But it wasnt (: Lesson learned: go after what you want.
September 2009: this month was okay...i guess you could say over this month and the next few i learned alot about who my true friends are. Who will be there for me no matter what and who kinda shuts ya out when things get tough.
October 2009: October was good, until the last day that is. Halloween...oh how halloween got me in trouble. I learned my lesson and am still paying the consequences of that one. Hurt alot of relationships it seems like. I learned that one decision that you think isnt that big of a deal (not that it wasnt a big deal...but like I didnt think the result would be what it was) can turn into something really big and can hurt alot of people. So this month i learned that i can't just think about what i want and what i want to do. I also learned that alot of the time other people know whats best, because they see things differently than what you do. I learned this, now applying it im still working on. Because anyone who knows me knows that i am about as hard headed as they come and i have to learn EVERYTHING the hard way.
November 2009: Tough month. Dealing w/ the previous month...i was pretty much miserable. I learned that people do come around...kinda. That i need to make my own decisions and make them wisely, so that my decision making isnt doubted in the future. If that makes sense.
Decemeber: Well I'm still in this month. And now im just thinking about where i was sitting this time last year. After reading this, you might think it sounds like a typical year, but its def been a whirlwind. EVERYTHING is different. If you would tell me I would be where I am now, I would prob laugh at you. Makes me wonder where i will be this time next year...i have some ideas. But I have learned from this year that things never go the way you think they will. I would never say that i wasted time this year....because i truly believe we dont waste time, because at the time that is something that we really wanted. I have learned SO MUCH this year....its crazy. Its crazy how timing works out perfectly...just blows my mind completely.
23.11.09
blogging. & horses (:
It cures boredom. And makes you feel better. I think that is why i like it so much. (just a random little fact for you today.)
And i havnt got to tell you all about my horses, so i am going to do that right now!
And i havnt got to tell you all about my horses, so i am going to do that right now!
Meet Roxy (:
Roxy is my paint, and my baby! She has alot of arabian (we say its all in her hind in, she walks everywhere w/ her tail up, and she doesnt like to keep those back legs on the ground) and mustang in her. So i'm sure you can only imagine that little attitude she walks around with. Shes's spunky...and likes to have everything her way. EVERYTIME we get on her, we have to remind her that she's not boss, then she shows us her attitude for a few minutes, then shes fine. Shes such a sweet horse, i just love her to death. And shes gorgeous. She will also be my barrel racing horse (: !! yay! She has won many ribbons in the past and hopefully there will be some in her future! I will keep ya'll updated on all that in the near future (:
Now meet CC (her registered name is Celine's Cowgirl)
She is a registered quarter horse. She is also a very sweet girl, but she just needs alot of work compared to Roxy. She hasnt been riden in over a year and a half, and she hates men (: haa. I've saddled her and groomed her and she does fine, slowly working my way up on her. She threw the last guy that got on her, so we are taking it slow w/ her. Its all about gentleness and patience with this one. But i think once she gets used to us, and getting used to being ridden agains he is going to be a great horse. She is a lot bigger than Roxy, but i think she could turn out to be alot more dependable (less high spirited i guess you could say) than Roxy.
Both of my babies are great (: I cant wait to have them where they are both rideable and people can come out and enjoy them w/ me! We've come a long way with both of them, but they both still have quite a ways to go before i would let just anyone jump on them. They are such sweet girls, they come meet me at the fence as soon as i get out there to them. They are awesome (:
Merry Early Christmas to me!! haaa.
18.11.09
this feeling.
I cannot to begin to explain to you this feeling that i have. I figured that with time, it would go away. But it hasn't, and i'm not quite sure what to do about it. I know how to fix the problem, but i can't fix the problem while i am still living in my house. So do i hope it goes away, or just deal with it forever till i move out? Neither of which i really want to do...
I need to talk about all this. But once agian...i can't. I need a clear answer of what to do...and i pray...and nothing. Its beginning to get very frustrating to me.
And it doesnt help the fact that while i have all this going on...i have good things and bad things happening as well. And it makes it difficult to complain about the bad things when i know about the good things. if that makes any sense? And dont get me wrong, i am very grateful for the good things (aka my new babiessss) but it makes it hard to enjoy when i have so much other stuff on my mind.
Once agian...this all comes down to the fact that i dont like to be told what to do and how to do it. I'm stubborn, and i like to figure things out on my own. I can't do that with this situation...and i am really really wishing i could. For as many reasons that i have to be happy, im not happy. For anything you have to think or say about that last statement...please keep it to yourself. That is the way i am feeling at the moment...and no one else probably understands it.
I need to talk about all this. But once agian...i can't. I need a clear answer of what to do...and i pray...and nothing. Its beginning to get very frustrating to me.
And it doesnt help the fact that while i have all this going on...i have good things and bad things happening as well. And it makes it difficult to complain about the bad things when i know about the good things. if that makes any sense? And dont get me wrong, i am very grateful for the good things (aka my new babiessss) but it makes it hard to enjoy when i have so much other stuff on my mind.
Once agian...this all comes down to the fact that i dont like to be told what to do and how to do it. I'm stubborn, and i like to figure things out on my own. I can't do that with this situation...and i am really really wishing i could. For as many reasons that i have to be happy, im not happy. For anything you have to think or say about that last statement...please keep it to yourself. That is the way i am feeling at the moment...and no one else probably understands it.
13.11.09
It's been a while.
Well, havnt been on here in a while. Guess i had to much to blog about, but couldnt really blog about it...if that makes sense. It never ceases to amaze me, we think we learn so much...but there is still so much more to learn.
I figured out there there are two kinds of people. Those who want to take responsibility for the choices they have made, and those who don't. They do have one thing in common tho...someone else is alwasy getting blamed it seems like. Those who dont want to take responsibility blame everyone around them, and in my case i take responsibility but it seems like the blame is still being thrown on everyone else.
So, i screwed up...i'm human, i'm 19 and i will probably screw up agian in my future. I went against something that i stood for for so many years. And i knew it was wrong because i felt guilty right off the bat. I did this, because at the time it was what i wanted to do, i didnt think about the later consequences. This is where the blame game comes in...personally, i do not think that any one in particular influenced me...therefore no one is at fault but myself. I have no problem admiting this at all. Should i have been where i was that night? I dont know, never will, i had been there before and didnt have a problem with saying no, and didnt have a problem saying no that night, and i dont have a problem saying no now. No one asked me to do it, i just did it. Am i sorry i did it, yes.
I just really wish everyone would let ME take responsibility for what I did. Its no one else's fault...
However i do not see this happening anytime soon, which kinda stinks...big time. I'm supposed to be "cutting my ties" with certain people...and i dont think its fair. It hurts. I normally do a good job at figuring things out on my own...thats the way i prefer to learn my lessons. However the way that this is being handled, i'm being forced to do something i dont want to do...which im scared is only making the entire situation worse. You can't force someone to feel a certain way...and as long as its being tried to be done...i dont think the problem will ever go away. I may have made a stupid choice...but im smart. Im not dumb. I just dont see how all this is going to end...
I figured out there there are two kinds of people. Those who want to take responsibility for the choices they have made, and those who don't. They do have one thing in common tho...someone else is alwasy getting blamed it seems like. Those who dont want to take responsibility blame everyone around them, and in my case i take responsibility but it seems like the blame is still being thrown on everyone else.
So, i screwed up...i'm human, i'm 19 and i will probably screw up agian in my future. I went against something that i stood for for so many years. And i knew it was wrong because i felt guilty right off the bat. I did this, because at the time it was what i wanted to do, i didnt think about the later consequences. This is where the blame game comes in...personally, i do not think that any one in particular influenced me...therefore no one is at fault but myself. I have no problem admiting this at all. Should i have been where i was that night? I dont know, never will, i had been there before and didnt have a problem with saying no, and didnt have a problem saying no that night, and i dont have a problem saying no now. No one asked me to do it, i just did it. Am i sorry i did it, yes.
I just really wish everyone would let ME take responsibility for what I did. Its no one else's fault...
However i do not see this happening anytime soon, which kinda stinks...big time. I'm supposed to be "cutting my ties" with certain people...and i dont think its fair. It hurts. I normally do a good job at figuring things out on my own...thats the way i prefer to learn my lessons. However the way that this is being handled, i'm being forced to do something i dont want to do...which im scared is only making the entire situation worse. You can't force someone to feel a certain way...and as long as its being tried to be done...i dont think the problem will ever go away. I may have made a stupid choice...but im smart. Im not dumb. I just dont see how all this is going to end...
27.10.09
Seek, and you'll find....lots of different answers.
Today, I was given alot of 'advice'. However, here is where my problem arises...all of my friends, are very different. Different in the way that they see things and the ways that they handle particular situations. So therefore, on this particular topic that i was being advised on, i got a variety of different answers. which makes it difficult to actually follow somoeones advice, because well, your getting mixed direction. Not to mention the fact, i dont exactly like to be told what to do. However there is one piece of advice i got today, that i think i have to listen to. Do what makes me happy.
So i am going to do what makes me happy, which is doing what i want to do. May not be wise, and who knows some may be right and i might be learning everything the hard way. But i think i would rather learn things the hard way than wonder what if. I wouldn't ever intentionally make a decision i knew was going to end badly...so i'm going with what i wanna do.
I think, everyone needs to do what makes them happy. If we always listened to others and did what they told us to do, we may have missed out on alot. Maybe this is totally the wrong way to be thinking, but as of right now it seems right. To me, this is just what makes sense at the moment. And its what makes me happy. I've always done what makes me happy, pretty much. I've never really been good at listening to people, and up to this point in my life i have absolutely no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, we make the decisions we do for a reason, and whatever the outcome may be is for a reason. We just normally dont see what the reason is until further down the road and we look back. That's when it all makes sense. I'm striving to go to the point where i can look back and it will make sense. And until then i am going to do what makes me happy.
(:
So i am going to do what makes me happy, which is doing what i want to do. May not be wise, and who knows some may be right and i might be learning everything the hard way. But i think i would rather learn things the hard way than wonder what if. I wouldn't ever intentionally make a decision i knew was going to end badly...so i'm going with what i wanna do.
I think, everyone needs to do what makes them happy. If we always listened to others and did what they told us to do, we may have missed out on alot. Maybe this is totally the wrong way to be thinking, but as of right now it seems right. To me, this is just what makes sense at the moment. And its what makes me happy. I've always done what makes me happy, pretty much. I've never really been good at listening to people, and up to this point in my life i have absolutely no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, we make the decisions we do for a reason, and whatever the outcome may be is for a reason. We just normally dont see what the reason is until further down the road and we look back. That's when it all makes sense. I'm striving to go to the point where i can look back and it will make sense. And until then i am going to do what makes me happy.
(:
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