bye-bye negative people.

So today, i have come to a decision.
I am saying bye-bye to negative people in my life.
People who pull me down, instead of lift me up.
People who could care less about what is going on in my life.
People who doubt me and my decision making.
People who dont care to call.
People who dont care to speak.
I am tired of worrying about it, and wondering why.
I just can't let these people get to me anymore.
I am happy, and thats all that should matter.
All of their negative-ness will come back and bite them in the butt one day.
but i CAN do what i set my mind to..and i am super glad to prove you wrong everyday when i do something you always said that i couldnt do.

So i am going to surround myself w/ my real friends (:
The ones who are there for me whenever i need them, when some people said they wouldnt be.
I've come to the conclusion that people do change, and sometimes not for the better.
But TRUE friends will be by your side no matter what.
And i am HAPPY happy HAPPY that i have finally come to this conclusion.
and i am absolutely amazed at how relieved i feel.

So if you would like to cut out the negative people in your life and want to stop w/ their drama and games, you have to seperate yourself from them.
Someone can't play games with you if you dont play them back. Its like when I was a kid, I would always complain to my mom about some kid chasing me on the playground...and she would say they cant chase you if you dont run. Same general idea...If you continue to LOOK for drama in your life, you will find it. Instead, turn your back to it. It can't chase you, if you arent running.
(:

Friends I cant' wait to meet (:

I was sitting at work thinking this morning, of the future people who will enter into my life that I don't know yet. And i have to admit, its kind of crazy to think about. In everyones life, it seems as though there are friends who come and go, friends who are there all the time, and the ones who you dont see that much but they are still right there if you need anything. Alot of things can define a friend, and no one friend is ever the same. You have good friends, and even probably a few bad friends. But going off of what you have learned so far from the friends you have right now and the friends that you have had in the past...do you have any friends that you can't wait to meet? So that is my thought for the day. I have friends that I cant wait to meet (:

its almost 2010!

So its almost 2010! I just got to thinking about that. SO MUCH has happened in my life this year. And i feel the need to recap the past 12 months...I have learned so much looking back.

So lets start w/ January of 2009:
I rung in the new year at Travis' house (ironic huh?). Around this time i was over there alot, at fires and such, however i completely blew him off everytime he tried to get me to let him take me out...I was to hung up on things that had been long over that i didnt want to let go of. However it is all about timing right? So lesson learned looking back: Sometimes there are really good things right in front of your face but you'll miss whats standing in front of you if you are to busy looking back.

February 2009:
I turned 19! woo hooo (: haa.

March 2009:
Still caught up on things that i shouldnt have been...

April 2009:
STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been...

May 2009:
and STILL caught up on things i shouldnt have been. Except this month was a little different, i was given reason to hold on a little longer. Lesson learned from the past three months: guys will be guys. you cant 'guess' what they are thinking, dont assume. I think i finally woke up this time which i am very happy about (:

June 2009:
Oh geez, what a month June was! I was babysitting a 19 month old everyday from 7-6. Lesson Learned: I dont want kids for a REALLY REALLY LONG TIME!

July 2009:
There was a boy. Who lied to me. I learned that if i dont stand my ground, people will try to take advantage of me. I stood my ground, he thought i wouldnt, when i realized i was, he left. bye-bye (: I look back on that know and wonder what the heck i was doing dating someone like that. However i'm pretty sure i was warned...but you know me, i dont listen to anyone ever. haa.

August 2009:
August was a happy month. I finally woke up and realized what was right in front of my face (go back to january) and i got over myself and went for it. And i'm glad i did, i'm know exactly where i was when it hit me, and i thought it was to late. But it wasnt (: Lesson learned: go after what you want.

September 2009: this month was okay...i guess you could say over this month and the next few i learned alot about who my true friends are. Who will be there for me no matter what and who kinda shuts ya out when things get tough.

October 2009: October was good, until the last day that is. Halloween...oh how halloween got me in trouble. I learned my lesson and am still paying the consequences of that one. Hurt alot of relationships it seems like. I learned that one decision that you think isnt that big of a deal (not that it wasnt a big deal...but like I didnt think the result would be what it was) can turn into something really big and can hurt alot of people. So this month i learned that i can't just think about what i want and what i want to do. I also learned that alot of the time other people know whats best, because they see things differently than what you do. I learned this, now applying it im still working on. Because anyone who knows me knows that i am about as hard headed as they come and i have to learn EVERYTHING the hard way.

November 2009: Tough month. Dealing w/ the previous month...i was pretty much miserable. I learned that people do come around...kinda. That i need to make my own decisions and make them wisely, so that my decision making isnt doubted in the future. If that makes sense.

Decemeber: Well I'm still in this month. And now im just thinking about where i was sitting this time last year. After reading this, you might think it sounds like a typical year, but its def been a whirlwind. EVERYTHING is different. If you would tell me I would be where I am now, I would prob laugh at you. Makes me wonder where i will be this time next year...i have some ideas. But I have learned from this year that things never go the way you think they will. I would never say that i wasted time this year....because i truly believe we dont waste time, because at the time that is something that we really wanted. I have learned SO MUCH this year....its crazy. Its crazy how timing works out perfectly...just blows my mind completely.

blogging. & horses (:

It cures boredom. And makes you feel better. I think that is why i like it so much. (just a random little fact for you today.)

And i havnt got to tell you all about my horses, so i am going to do that right now!

Meet Roxy (:

Roxy is my paint, and my baby! She has alot of arabian (we say its all in her hind in, she walks everywhere w/ her tail up, and she doesnt like to keep those back legs on the ground) and mustang in her. So i'm sure you can only imagine that little attitude she walks around with. Shes's spunky...and likes to have everything her way. EVERYTIME we get on her, we have to remind her that she's not boss, then she shows us her attitude for a few minutes, then shes fine. Shes such a sweet horse, i just love her to death. And shes gorgeous. She will also be my barrel racing horse (: !! yay! She has won many ribbons in the past and hopefully there will be some in her future! I will keep ya'll updated on all that in the near future (:

Now meet CC (her registered name is Celine's Cowgirl)

She is a registered quarter horse. She is also a very sweet girl, but she just needs alot of work compared to Roxy. She hasnt been riden in over a year and a half, and she hates men (: haa. I've saddled her and groomed her and she does fine, slowly working my way up on her. She threw the last guy that got on her, so we are taking it slow w/ her. Its all about gentleness and patience with this one. But i think once she gets used to us, and getting used to being ridden agains he is going to be a great horse. She is a lot bigger than Roxy, but i think she could turn out to be alot more dependable (less high spirited i guess you could say) than Roxy.

Both of my babies are great (: I cant wait to have them where they are both rideable and people can come out and enjoy them w/ me! We've come a long way with both of them, but they both still have quite a ways to go before i would let just anyone jump on them. They are such sweet girls, they come meet me at the fence as soon as i get out there to them. They are awesome (:

Merry Early Christmas to me!! haaa.

this feeling.

I cannot to begin to explain to you this feeling that i have. I figured that with time, it would go away. But it hasn't, and i'm not quite sure what to do about it. I know how to fix the problem, but i can't fix the problem while i am still living in my house. So do i hope it goes away, or just deal with it forever till i move out? Neither of which i really want to do...

I need to talk about all this. But once agian...i can't. I need a clear answer of what to do...and i pray...and nothing. Its beginning to get very frustrating to me.

And it doesnt help the fact that while i have all this going on...i have good things and bad things happening as well. And it makes it difficult to complain about the bad things when i know about the good things. if that makes any sense? And dont get me wrong, i am very grateful for the good things (aka my new babiessss) but it makes it hard to enjoy when i have so much other stuff on my mind.

Once agian...this all comes down to the fact that i dont like to be told what to do and how to do it. I'm stubborn, and i like to figure things out on my own. I can't do that with this situation...and i am really really wishing i could. For as many reasons that i have to be happy, im not happy. For anything you have to think or say about that last statement...please keep it to yourself. That is the way i am feeling at the moment...and no one else probably understands it.

It's been a while.

Well, havnt been on here in a while. Guess i had to much to blog about, but couldnt really blog about it...if that makes sense. It never ceases to amaze me, we think we learn so much...but there is still so much more to learn.

I figured out there there are two kinds of people. Those who want to take responsibility for the choices they have made, and those who don't. They do have one thing in common tho...someone else is alwasy getting blamed it seems like. Those who dont want to take responsibility blame everyone around them, and in my case i take responsibility but it seems like the blame is still being thrown on everyone else.

So, i screwed up...i'm human, i'm 19 and i will probably screw up agian in my future. I went against something that i stood for for so many years. And i knew it was wrong because i felt guilty right off the bat. I did this, because at the time it was what i wanted to do, i didnt think about the later consequences. This is where the blame game comes in...personally, i do not think that any one in particular influenced me...therefore no one is at fault but myself. I have no problem admiting this at all. Should i have been where i was that night? I dont know, never will, i had been there before and didnt have a problem with saying no, and didnt have a problem saying no that night, and i dont have a problem saying no now. No one asked me to do it, i just did it. Am i sorry i did it, yes.

I just really wish everyone would let ME take responsibility for what I did. Its no one else's fault...

However i do not see this happening anytime soon, which kinda stinks...big time. I'm supposed to be "cutting my ties" with certain people...and i dont think its fair. It hurts. I normally do a good job at figuring things out on my own...thats the way i prefer to learn my lessons. However the way that this is being handled, i'm being forced to do something i dont want to do...which im scared is only making the entire situation worse. You can't force someone to feel a certain way...and as long as its being tried to be done...i dont think the problem will ever go away. I may have made a stupid choice...but im smart. Im not dumb. I just dont see how all this is going to end...

Seek, and you'll find....lots of different answers.

Today, I was given alot of 'advice'. However, here is where my problem arises...all of my friends, are very different. Different in the way that they see things and the ways that they handle particular situations. So therefore, on this particular topic that i was being advised on, i got a variety of different answers. which makes it difficult to actually follow somoeones advice, because well, your getting mixed direction. Not to mention the fact, i dont exactly like to be told what to do. However there is one piece of advice i got today, that i think i have to listen to. Do what makes me happy.

So i am going to do what makes me happy, which is doing what i want to do. May not be wise, and who knows some may be right and i might be learning everything the hard way. But i think i would rather learn things the hard way than wonder what if. I wouldn't ever intentionally make a decision i knew was going to end badly...so i'm going with what i wanna do.

I think, everyone needs to do what makes them happy. If we always listened to others and did what they told us to do, we may have missed out on alot. Maybe this is totally the wrong way to be thinking, but as of right now it seems right. To me, this is just what makes sense at the moment. And its what makes me happy. I've always done what makes me happy, pretty much. I've never really been good at listening to people, and up to this point in my life i have absolutely no regrets. Everything happens for a reason, we make the decisions we do for a reason, and whatever the outcome may be is for a reason. We just normally dont see what the reason is until further down the road and we look back. That's when it all makes sense. I'm striving to go to the point where i can look back and it will make sense. And until then i am going to do what makes me happy.

(:

Craziest weekend...in a while.

Okay, so i have had one crazy pack filled weekend, and i am totally  hating that it is monday and it is over :(

Friday: I intended on sleeping in, and if you saw my facebook status, it said something like...."going to bed, sleeping in! text/call me before noon and i will kill you (: " ....well you can probably guess what happened, Amy (i still love you, im assuming you didnt see my post) texted me at like 8 something. So therefore i was awake, and thought what the heck, i'll go to the gator parade w/ mom and peyton. Which i am SUPER glad i did! Jabbawockees (Americas Best Dance Crew winners from last season!) were in the parade! and that was really exciting! Pictures coming soon...i totally caught them doing the gator chomp. Okay anyways...we messed around gville did a little shopping and came home. I was kinda bummed, because we were home early and i had nothing to do on a friday night. Which happens to be happening quite frequently lately. So then my lovely friend Jamie called me, she wanted to hang out. One thing led to another and i ended up sitting in Body Tech in gainesville. I now have a lovely tattoo on my foot(: TOTALLY spur of the moment, but i had been wanting this tattoo for YEARS so, now i finally  have it! Mom and Dad took it great so that was a major plus! I was a little worried about how my dad would take it. And tattoos, they hurt...BAD. Just saying. So that was my friday...

On to Saturday: I woke up, got ready and head to gainesville. I had tickets to the Gator game with Kory. I tailgated with morgan for a little bit, then headed over to the stadium, and met Kory. So he hands me my ticket and i look at it and was like wow, those are really good seats for what we paid (16th row, south in zone) so i was pretty excited. However when we start walking closer to our seats i start to realize that yes they are excellent seats, but instead of being surrounded by other orange and blue wearing gator fans that i am in fact sitting in the middle of the arkansas section. There were four of us lovely gator fans clustered into the middle of this section...which led to a very interesting game. I can now officially say that arkansas has the most obnoixious cheer thing EVER and i was pretty sure by the end if i heard it one more time i was going to kill the arkansas guy sitting next to me. Game was fun, but way to close. Then i had the wonderful experience of sitting on a scooter, in gville traffic for an hour. Gotta love Gator Game traffic (: Oh and did i mention i made it on TV! if anyone recorded the game let me know, cuz i wanna see it! 4th quarter at 10:55 left, so loook for me!! So that was saturday.

And finally sunday!: Did the usual sunday morning church, then headed to gainesville with morgan and amy to eat. we ate had fun, blah blah. On the way back we decided to go to jaycees w/ aj and joel. So we went back to amys house, hung out for a bit, then headed out to the airport for the haunted trail. Only to find out once we got there that it wasnt open! (thanks aj!) So we decided to go scare Aj's little brother and sister, because we figured out larissa was home alone w/ them. So we drive all the way out there, and aj parks in the ditch, and dummy me jumps out of the car into a bed of sand spurs. All over my nice NEW tattoo! can you say OUCH! i screamed, then aj told me to SHHH. haa. it was kinda funny. So we scared them, and it was funny.

So my weekend did a very good job at making me not think about the craziness that is going through my brain right now. It added to it in some parts, but for the most part...it was a pretty dang good weekend! Alotta firsts ;) Super ready for the fun stuff planned next weekend...and halloween horror nights next week! i <3 this time of year!! Did i mention it feels AMAZING outside?! Makes my monday so much more bearable. haa.

Can't Sleep.

As much as i would LOVE to be sleeping right  now, well i can't. I'm wide awake and i have alot on my mind. A few posts ago, i believe i said something about Keystone growing on me, well....I also said that i think i would change my mind. I did.

I dont want to settle. I feel like alot of people here do. I know i have a good mask...i will admit it. I hide alot of my feelings. Which in some cases isnt always a good thing. Most of the time, you wouldn't know that i was upset about something unless i actually came out and said it. I have a few friends who really know this about me. Most people don't. So my mask lately is coming off. Could be good i guess, then again it could also get ugly...because i am tired of holding EVERYTHING in. I think people in this town settle (not everyone, just some), are they really happy? Some yes, Some no. I want to get out and experience places other than keystone. Once agian...this is my mood now, this to might change. Keystone....Keystone also plays games. When you live in keystone you can't help but to play games. im over it. im done playing them, and im done being played.

I'm tired of disappointment. I put to much trust in people, I always want to see the best in people, I want to think that people can change, and that they actualy care. But some reason, that always comes back to bite me. You think I would learn...but I dont. I feel like i go out on a limb, so someone can prove to me what they seem to want to prove, but then they push me off. haaa. funny illustration yes, but its true. I will never understand people. I will actually never understand this world...some days things are woderful...they next they aren't.

Then after writing all this, i feel like a negative person. I think i am in a negative rut. The negative rut is keystone. Maybe i'm being dramatic....good chance. I feel let down, upset and discouraged. HELP.

Bottom line, at this point, i am NOT settling for anything less than the best. I've given out to many chances.

everything happens for a reason?

You know that line that everyone always gives you when something doesn't go as you would have liked, "every thing happens for a reason" or "whats meant to be will always find a way". Well, although i would never give that advice because to be honest i just really hate those words, sounds cliche, i'm gonna live by that for a while. I feel like lately, my life will be going really good, and i'll be really happy, and then BAM hello bad week/month, things pile up and bad thing after bad thing happens. Why this is happening, i have no clue, and its getting really old. But i know that everything happens for a reason, because well it just does. So in a few months when i look back everything will make perfect sense, and until then i'm just gonna take it one day at a time.

Another thing, i am staying as far away from guys as i possibly can, i am through with that department in my life for a while, it tends to only end in disappointment. haa. I will find a guy who appreciates me for who i am, and isnt concerned about what i'm not. And i'm pretty sure i will not be finding that in Keystone unfortunetly. It really hurts my feelings that people just dont take me for who i am, they want me to be something else. I want someone who likes me for who i am completely, and wouldn't change the way i see things for anything. Wishful thinking? I really hope not...


and on a totally different note: i have pink hair, and i want more pink hair.

bad week.

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like the whole world is crashing down around you?

Well i've had a week like that, it seems as though everytime something good happens, bam...here comes something else to ruin the day.

So Jenny, Amber and I had a conversation the other day while sitting in coldstone, we decided that we would wake up and make the desicion to have good days. And ever since i've done that, my days are bad. Ha, then i feel bad because i went back on what i decided. Its a never ending cycle.

I'm tired, I'm stressed and i want everything to go back to normal, or as about normal it gets for around here.

On the bright side...i'm getting pink hair tomorrow.
Yes, pink hair.
Be jealous.

And on the downside, i'm pretty sure my world is about to crumble to peices...agian.
you think i would learn.

Ready for the Next.

The weekends over, and i'm already ready for next weekend! I have SO much going on this month! Its getting kind of ridiculous!

This past weekend i was in Atlanta w/ my Cousins and Aunt, then i spent the other half of the weekend at brian and cheryls. I babysay my little cousins, they are just way to cute, and getting way to big. I had a blast with them(: then of course we had to do some shopping in Decatur w/ my Aunt on saturday! i spent way to much money, but came home w/ some really cute stuff! I just love those little boutiques, however they can get a little pricey. Then I headed over to Newnan for the night, and church sunday morning. Its always good to see Brian and Cheryl and everyone, Levi is now taller than me, that is just so wrong in so many ways.

So on to next weekends tasks...I am FINALLY getting my hair redone! BUT i dont know what i want to do w/ it. I want to cut it just a little bit, i'm trying to grow it out, so i am trying to find a cute medium length hair style to get me to the point that i want it. Then we get to the color, i THOUGHT i had decided to go blonder. However, since Heather does a wonderful job at throwing new thoughts into my head...she suggested darker w/ some auburn-y or blonde highlights, like just a few. I'm stumped and have no idea what i want to do w/ it! Well i have four days to decide...blonde or dark, blonde or dark. How am i going to cut it. Oh how i HATE making these decisions. Well if you have any good suggestions for me, please be sure to let me know before friday. i'm open to pretty much anything! (:

Have a wonderful day all!

My friends(:

Post number two for the day...but i had a good idea, so i'm going to go w/ it. I made a post (and later deleted it) about friends. Well, on that particular day i was in one of my moods, and i was just feeling kind of alone i guess, i dont know how else to explain it. But i do in fact have alot of close friends...So i'm gonna tell you a little bit about them (: [[i'm not doing them in any particular order, i'm literally going through my fb pictures and picking whoever comes next!]]

This is Meaghan (: Me and meaghan met when i was in 8th grade, she was in 10th, at church. I would say we majorly hit it off, and we were pretty much inseperable for the following two years. People called us the 'twins' i dont know if its because we thought it was cool to match all of our clothes or because we were similar in size (at that point in time, we were just about the same exact size). We have a trillion memories together, way to many inside jokes, and even more pictures (we have probably taken thousands, i'm not even kidding!) I love her to death, and even though st. augustine really isnt THAT far away, it makes me sad that i dont see her much anymore. But when i do see her, we pretty much pick up right were we left off. She is one of the very very few people that i can tell absolutely anything to, shes the most sweet non judging person i know, and i love love love her! Shes that one girl, that will always be your best friend, no matter how long you go w/o talking or seeing each other. I'm trying to pick just one funny story with her but i'm having trouble choosing...there is just to many to pick from. Maybe i will save the funny stories for a later post (: love ya meag!

And then their's Jenny. I actually had a cute picture (one of us actually smiling) picked out, but that just doesn't fit us. The picture i picked is pretty typical. I've known of Jenny for a long time, haha. We cheered in high school, but we weren't really friends i would say. We became friends when she started dating Steve (which is now her husband), because at the time i was dating Steve's younger brother. We have really good talks, about random stuff most the time, while sitting on the swings and drinking icees at the park (: We havn't done that in a while in fact..we should get on that. But most of the time you will find us taking stupid pictures like above, or just acting stupid. We like to have fun and laugh, and we do that quite well. We also annoy the crap out of each other, and we know it and tell each other frequently, haa. I would say Jenny is my blunt honest friend, she isn't scared to tell me how it is, or when i'm out of line, or when i'm just being straight up dumb about a situation. And that's what i love about her, we all need that someone who isn't scared to tell us how it is, and she definetly isnt, and i definetly need someone like that in my life. I love that if i need advice on something, she will tell me her honest opinion, and not just say what she thinks i want to hear. Its so weird how things work out, and i think about that with her in particular. God put her in steves life, not long before he took Drew out of mine. I'm super glad he did, because he seemed to put her in my life right at the right time, she has helped me get through some pretty rough times (or what i thought was rough at the time) and i dont know if she knows, but i dont know what i would have done without her during those times (: We've had a few bumps along the way...but who hasnt at times, we get over ourselves and its all good agian! love you jenny(:

Next is Hoover. I picked a good picture, sadly we only have a few, because most of our pictures look like the one above. I guess we became friends a few years ago through the church, she started hanging out with us and over time we became good friends. If you would have told me when i first met her we would be as close as we were i probably wouldn't have believed you. I was a typical girl, and when started hanging out with us, i was like "who the heck is this girl" haa. But i love her now, so its all good. She is probably one of the funniest people i know. The most random stuff comes out of her mouth! And it is very funny random stuff most of the time too. She is very blunt, thats what i love about her. If she wants to know something, no matter what the topic is, she will ask. She won't beat around the bush, she will just straight up say it. Most the time it catches me off guard, and all i can do is laugh for a minute before i can actually answer her nosey question. She is extremely laid back, shes busy w/ school and stuff most the time, but in general she pretty much goes with the flow. We call her our "hippie friend", but really shes not, i think its just cause we are jealous we could never pull off the cute clothes she wears...because we would just look dumb. haha. She too will pretty much give me her straight up opinion on a situation, and i really do love that! I want friends who will tell me the truth even when i dont really want to hear it! I love her to death, and i am super glad i quit being a stupid girl and actually got to know her, she is a wonderful person (: love ya hoooverrrrrr!

And last but DEF not least, is dani! I met dani through church...geez i am seeing a trend here. haha. I'm not quite sure what grade maybe the summer before my junior year is when we actually got close...just guessing. We started out as bus buddies for youth trips and we soon became best friends! We to have waaaay to many pictures, speaking of, we are lacking lately my dear! I love her, she has never ever ever altered her values for anyone and she has always stood strong on her beliefs, and she loves jesus with all her heart. I'm so blessed to have her in my life, even though she doesnt always make the smartest comments in the world (she truly is a blonde at heart), she def is not scared to say "emily, you should be careful" or "emily i dont think thats the right thing to do" or "emily what are you doing there" or w/e the case is...she keeps me straight. haha. Shes one of the others i can tell anything to, and one of the few people i will say the following about...you break her heart, and i will break you face (: She is the sweetest girl, and would do anything for anyone. I am truly blessed to have her in my life and to be able to say that shes my bestie ((:

Okay, i said i was done w/ the last one but i lied. This really is my last one. Thats my momma(:  And even though at times, like most parents, she can drive me absolutely insane, and i'm sure the feeling is mutual there are days i dont know what i would do without her. When exciting things happen or i'm having a bad day because people are pissing me off (which lately happens quite frequently, they are getting good at it) shes always the first person i call. Most of the time she just laughs at my stupidity but other times she actually does have some pretty good advice...who woulda thought?! haa. She is probably one of the only people whos opinion actually matters to me, because i know she wants whats best for me. And she as much as i hate to admit it, mommy knows best...all the time. haha. She is my altime best friend. Because i know that no matter what i do, or what happens she will always be there and she will always love me. Not only because she has to because shes my mom, but because she wants to. I'm so thankful to have such a good mommy(:

It's Fall!!

It was SO refreshing to walk out of my (stressfull, annoying and way to long) math class this morning and feel this wonderful fall weather...i was to stressed out and worried about class this morning when i left my house to notice how wonderful it felt outside! and it's supposed to get colder!! YAY(:(: that seriously excites me like you have no idea.

And hopefully there will be more fall weather in Atl this weekend, not sure what the weather is gonna be like there, but hopefully it will be a little cooler than it will be here. I'm excited about going, cuz i get to see the cousins and such...but at the same time i dont want to leave, im so weird. As much as i say i love to get out of keystone...the truth is, i dont like to go far. It will be a nice get a way, and i am excited about it, but i'm already excited to be home. That always happens to me, i hate traveling, i'm such a home-body (is that the right way to use that word??). I say i want to move away to a college when i transfer...but i need to face the facts. I actually like keystone lately. Wow, what is wrong with me. This little 'liking keystone' phase just hit me like this week. Normally, i'm the one saying i hated it. But here is what i was thinking, one its small, and for the most part pretty safe, especially compared to some of the cities around us. Two, when i think about teaching at a high school, i dont want to teach at a scary one. I've been volunteering w/ mrs. walls at the high school a few days a week for my online class and yea keystone schools have their problems, but they are actually pretty good school with pretty good kids (minus the few who just refuse to behave). So when i think about having to work at a school, in 2 1/2 very short years ( that is so weird to think i could be teaching peoples kids in two years!! ) i think i would rather be at school with good kids, i mean i will only be like 4 years older than the kids i'm teaching! weird, weird, weird. So that is my thought for the day...i like keystone, so much that i dont even like to leave for the weekend. However, my opinion will probably change when i get back from orlando next weekend (where i want to go to school, cuz i love it down there too), because as you probably already know, i am the most indecisive person in the world. which is why i will never get a tattoo.

Well, i think i have rambled enough. I'm way to bored at work...they shouldnt let me blog. haaa.
Have a wonderful day(:

problem solved, well partly anyway.

About a month ago, my mom recieved two phone calls. I believe I blogged about that previously. Well, the phone call that got under my skin the most was the one about me and travis. Without going into a ton of detail, it was basically said that he was only dating me for one reason. You can probably guess what they said that reason was.

Well, my  mom never told me who it was, but by a process of elimination and some events that recently took place, i now pretty much know who it is.

I know this, because another comment was said, and this one hurt my feelings more than it made me mad. So let me clarify some things about myself for you:

Popular to contrary belief, I do not lower my standards and I do NOT settle for anything less than the best. I would NEVER EVER date someone just because there wasnt anyone else around for me to date. Thats wrong on so many levels, and just not me at all. It hurts my feelings that someone would tell my mom that travis and i are only dating because there isnt anyone else around to date. One thats kind of an insult to both of us depending on which way you look at it, and two what does anyone else know? The sad thing is, that it is an adult making these comments. An adult that i thought knew me pretty well, and would know me well enough to trust me to make smart choices, I have never given anyone a reason not to trust me. And here's a great idea, pay attention to your OWN children and quit worrying about everyone else's...when there is NOTHING to worry about to begin with.

I am me. I know how I feel. I make my own decisions. You are not me, you dont not know how i feel, and you definetly dont make my decisions.

So, it all boils down to one thing...mind your own business please(:

Have you ever?

Have you ever wanted to dry a tear that you knew you had made fall?
Have you ever said something that you never meant at all?
Have you ever wanted to reach out to someone who was in pain?
Have you ever wanted to give sunshine to someone who lives with constant rain?
Have you ever wanted a chance to go back and change the past?
Have you ever stopped to realize that time slips by too fast?
Have you ever loved somebody and never told them so?
Have you ever held back a question that you really wanted to know?
Have you ever felt you might explode from holding stuff inside?
That’s when you have to make a choice between happiness or pride…

bogus.

okay, here is a more funny post for you. Last night in my science class, we were discussing our signs. (like aquarius, cancer, ect.) Well come to find out, some stupid astrologer guy never updated them. Like something about how the earth rotates over a period of time, our signs actually change. Well, SOMEONE never changed them to where they are now, so what you think is your sign...well it isnt. So all this time i grew up thinking i was an aquarius, and i might have been when i was like two, but now i am a capricorn. Its slightly frustrating. haaaa. So, if you would like to know what you CORRECT sign is, let me know, i have the diagram in my binder. And i hope you are as dissappointed as i was. Funny thing though...i dont follow my horoscope. Its just the fact that is was there, and i thought i was something, and now i'm not. Stupid astrologers...they should actually do their job, and keep our signs up to date! geeeeeeez.

And just in case you were wondering also...this is what my teacher does in class.

Give it up.

I feel like so much has happened between the time school started and now, and it only been like three weeks. Some things good, some things bad. It all kind of brings me back to my realizations post i made a few weeks ago. I feel like at this point, i am standing in the middle of a bunch of chaos without a clue of whats going on around me, and i am hoping in a few weeks i will be standing on the outside and everything will make perfect sense...thats normally the way things happen. And i'm sure once that point comes along, i will make yet another realizations post...i like those kind. Makes me feel like i'm actually going places...haha, yes i'm a dork i know. So until the point comes when i know what is going on in my life agian, i'm going to do a few things...

I'm not going to let people get to me.
I'm going to not care what people think of me.
I'm going to try to laugh alot...even when i'm having a bad day...laughing always helps.
I'm going to relax, and not be so uptight all the time.
I'm going to have fun, and not worry.
I'm going to stand strong in what i believe in.
I'm going to pray...and seek God's direction in my life.

Wow, while typing out that last one (i was just making those up as i went, hadn't really thought of them before now) i came to a realization. That maybe i should have already been doing that to begin with. In all areas of my life, and not just parts. Like what school to transfer to next fall (im just applying to everything at this point because i have absolutely NO clue where i want to go). I read a book about a month ago, and in the very first chapter of the book it was talking about how we always want to hold the pen for our life, we want to right our own stories, and that we forget that God already has our story written, we just have to give him the pen. I just got a reminder...i need to give up my pen.

Releasing anger at 8 in the morning.

You know how i said i would probably use this thing to vent? Well this morning i am. Let me share with you my day yesterday...and almost all of it could have been avoided if people would mind their own business.

First, someone called my house and shared with my mom (and whoever you are that did call, you should probably be happy i dont know who you are) that i was at a party where there was drinking and some other stuff. No, i was NOT drinking...thats not where i am in trouble. I am in trouble because i lied about a situation AFTER i left so that i wouldnt get someone else in trouble. Yes i know, i shouldnt have lied. However, why would someone care that i lied and feel the need to call my mom and tell her. Better yet, how did they even know i lied, if they weren't there?? Well i'm glad to say, this part is fine now...but this part led to another conversation...

Second, someone ELSE called my mom and decided to share some information with her about why she should watch out for me...i'm not going to go into a lot of detail. All i know is that people once agian need to mind there own business, i have done a pretty good job at keeping my reputation good, or i have tried to at least. Others may not have done that great of a job, but hey guess what?! people screw up. its life. So once agian, to whoever called this time, mind your own business. i can handle myself, and im glad you think that i cant. Because you obviously know nothing about me.

So for future reference, i'm almost 20. If you have something to say why don't you call me and not my mom. Why dont you call me and tell me i shouldn't lie, and that i should handle it by telling the truth. Or call me and tell me to watch out (actually dont do that, just keep your opinion to yourself, because you obviously heard or saw whatever incident you are talking about so does that make you any better? no.) I am beyond aggravated this morning...i'm upset...i'm hurt. So whoever you are that obviously want to make me feel this way...i hope you are happy.

Now on a lighter note (you will probably get a kick out of this) Monday morning i came to work at 8 like normal. Now there is something you should know, i am NOT a morning person, i dont wake up early and when i have to, i roll outta bed, get dressed brush my teeth and run out the door. So i am sitting at my desk, like i normally am and this man came up with a camera and a little notebook. I automatically put two and two together and realized he was from the monitor. He had been walking around taking pictures of all the classes and ect. He thought it would be funny if he told karen or whoever was standing out here that i was on Facebook. No big deal, we are allowed, i do it all the time. Well then he begins asking my name and if i go to school here and whatever. Then he takes a picture of me. (keep in mind, i look like poo at this point in the morning). Well i didnt think anything else of it. And for some reason while i was sitting on my front porch with travis, i thought, i wonder if my pictures in the monitor, i really hope not. And of course travis said something like "what if it was on the front page...that would be so funny". i immediatly disagreed and moved on with a different conversation. Then we went inside, and i asked if anyone had bought a monitor. No one had. Then since i have an addiciton to fb i had to check it. And when i did i had a lovely facebook message from karen that said. "Emily, go get a monitor, your on the front page!" and i was like no way...by this point travis was already laughing and he probably hasnt stopped yet. So i get in the truck, drive down to the paper box and sure enough there is my face plastered across the front of the paper. So after we laughed really hard...i went home (can i add that my mom was still mad about this phone call, so she didnt think it was as funny).

And THAT was my day yesterday. (add about 8 hours of hw to that story tho).

Realizations

I came to a couple of realizations (not sure if thats even a word but i'm going to use it anyway) last night. And if i would have come to these conclusions months ago, i would have saved myself a lot of time. i think.

People never change, yet they change. Yes, confusing statement, but let me explain. People change over long periods of time, and alot of time they aren't the same person that you met. So you want them to change, but they are never going to change back to the person you remember them being. Does that make sense? I wasted to much time wishing someone would change. And i'm sure i missed out on alot because i was waiting, actually i know i did, which leads me to my second conclusion...

...Listen to your friends. I say this for a number of reasons, one being they see things differently than you do, from an outside perspective. And 99.9% of the time they are correct with what they 'think' will happen. If i would have listened to my friends, particulary two of them, on a variety of different topics i would probably be in a very different place right now. which leads me to my third and final realization...

...Every decision i have made over the past few months has gotten me to where i am now. i'm really happy where i am now, would i have gotten here sooner if i would have listened to my friends advice and realized that people will never change? idk, maybe. Would i not be at this place in my life at all if i would have listened? i have no clue, all i know is that i have two very good friends who totally predicted where i am now, one of them months ago. i just find it ironic. The way things work out, and the way things dont. Looking back i see what i didnt see then. I know now why God tells us no sometimes...he sees the whole picture...and we dont.

I also came to the conclusion that i think about things to much.

Here We Go(:

Well, I now have a blog. I'm not quite sure yet what i am going to use it for, so you will have to stick around to find out. Hoover made me make it, so you should go look at her photography blog thingy, cuz she pretty much rocks and is gonna be like the next huge photographer...u just wait and see.

Thanks to Jenny, i try not to post 'personal stuff' on the internet anymore. She has broken me of this habit, mainly just by looking at me like i was dumb...so i'm not really sure what to 'blog' about. What are you supposed to blog about? life? haa, that would take years. Soooo, i'm just gonna go w/ the flow and see what happens with this thing. maybe its a good way to vent...hmm that could work...we will see.

Hoover, I hope your happy...because i have NO idea what i am doing here!! and i only made this thing because i love you(: